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L Words

L is for luck. October has been a month of experimentation, soul-searching, and forcing myself out of my comfort zone in any way possible. Starting, foremost, with being genuine, honest, and upfront with The Terrorist. I’m a quiet person. I’m independent, reserved, defensive, and not quick to trust anyone, especially myself. I censor every thought that comes out of my head. But all that has an opportunity to change, and I ought to take full advantage of it. What easier way is there to become fully confident and unapologetic about myself, knowing that there is this wonderful, delightful woman who cares for me and wants so much for me to be happy? How the hell did I get so lucky?

(Courtesy of xkcd.com)

L is for love. I’m obviously scared to use the word ‘love’ to describe the whole feeling, simply because I haven’t used that word in that context before. I don’t even know if it’s true. The word itself has an appeal to it, and a power unto itself, but do I really know what I’m saying when I say the word ‘love’? Am I trying to be suave and mysterious and prevent myself from showing my hand? Am I worried about scaring her off by telling her how I really feel about her? So while I’ve been thinking it for a few weeks and daydreaming how it would sound out loud if/when I finally do tell The Terrorist that I love her, I need reassurance from someone other than myself that it’s not too soon, it’s not a mistake, and every relationship is individualized and doesn’t follow a set schedule.

L is for lifting. Aside from the occasional 2-mile walk to work and the spur-of-the-moment run up 10 flights of stairs to my apartment, my exercise program has been simple and blunt. Lift heavy. 2 exercises a day, 3-5 sets of 3-5 reps, 3 days a week. My diet’s been off, and my asthma has suffered a bit for it (The Terrorist loves cupcakes, so now I love cupcakes…), but I’d say 80% of my meals are Paleo-friendly, and I’m a good, sturdy 170 lbs. Here are my workouts so far this month:

10/7     Squats 205×6, 185×7, 165×8 / Hang Power Cleans 95×5,5,5,5,5

10/9     Bench 185×5, 165×6, 150×7 / Shoulder Press 105×5,5,5,5,5

10/11   Deadlift 315×5, 275×6, 245×7 / Front Squat 185×5,5,5,5,5

10/13   Weighted Pullups 45×5, 25×6, BWx7 / Dumbbell Rows 70×5,5,5,5,5

10/16   Squats 215×5, 195×6, 175×7 / Hang Power Cleans 105×5,5,5,5,5

10/18   Bench 195×4, 175×5, 160×6 / Shoulder Press 115×5,5,5,5,5

The first exercise is the major movement, done to reach a one-time 5-rep max. The subsequent sets lower the weight a bit and are done to failure. The second exercise is an “accessory movement”, 5 sets of 5 reps. Rest 3 minutes in between each set, and I’m out of the gym in 30-35 minutes. Today, for example, I’m going back to the deadlifts and starting at 335 or 345, then Front Squats at 195. I haven’t deadlifted much since quitting CrossFit, and I don’t think I’m back at my 435-lb monster capacity yet, but I’ll get there soon.

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Discussion

One thought on “L Words

  1. Lift is easy and calculated. Love is neither. It is hard to say love unless you know you mean it. In addition, I feel that people can choose to some degree who they love. I bet if you are thinking it, then your feelings are true. Wait until you know for sure and saying it feels natural. If she cares for you, she will appreciate that you waited to say it until you know you really mean it. Love is scary to own up to unless you know the feeling is mutual. I bet if you wait for the right time, she will feel the same way.

    Posted by Nicole | October 31, 2011, 2:25 am

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