This story is (sadly) in no way indicative of my residency experience.
“Come on, page me,” she whispered. Her chapped lips were pressed against his cheek.
“You know how weird this is,” he smirked.
“Do it.” She bit the side of his neck, right under his earlobe.
“Ow! I think you drew blood.”
“No way! I barely nibbled you.”
“You’re going to leave a mark.” He rolled off of her and reached with his toes for the cold tile floor.
“Yeah, like everyone on morning rounds is going to be staring at your earlobe.”
“They will if there’s a big bite-shaped bruise underneath it.” He stood up and hunched over the computer desk. “Do you think they counsel people with thrombocytopenia against rough sex? You know, like if you were on chemo, or had Wiskott-Aldrich.”
“Or ITP,” she replied. She raised a finger to make a point. “I bet someone, somewhere in history, was diagnosed with ITP after a good hard fuck.”
“That would freak me out. Could you imagine? One minute you’re pounding some girl in bed, and 20 minutes later she’s covered with bruises?” He jiggled the mouse until the screen lit up, the only source of brightness in the room. She winced.
“I’d run the hell out of her bedroom as soon as I saw the first petechiae,” he smiled.
“Then she’d blackmail you, she’d claim you did it.”
“The platelet count of 4 would vindicate me.”
“Speaking of which, how’s the ER board looking?”
“I can’t do two things at once. Do you want me to page you or not?”
“I’d like the security of knowing I won’t have to work up another admission right after I come.”
He clicked the mouse a few times and ran a finger down the screen. “We’re clean.”
“Good. Did you page me yet?”
“Hold on.” He clicked open a couple windows on the computer. “Okay, done. Alright, I have a stupid question.”
“Get back in bed with me. You’re going to want to feel this one.” He put his boxers back on and scooted onto the bed. He lay flat on his back. She slid on top of him so that the back of her head rested on his chest. She stared up at the ceiling and waited.
“So how does a 5-second buzz give you an orgasm?”
“Five-sec…” She turned her head to him abruptly. “Oh, you don’t know the continuous setting? It’s magical.” She tapped her heel on the mattress. “How long do these things take to transmit? Wait, put your hand here.” She reached for his right hand with hers and brought it between her thighs. “Hold this right here.” The pager was warm and slippery to the touch. “As soon as it starts vibrating, stick it in.”
“Stick it in.” His voice cracked a bit.
“Slowly. Very slowly. Corner first.” He rubbed her shoulder with his free hand and kissed the top of her head. She smiled. “I can’t believe you don’t know about the continuous setting.”
He shrugged his shoulders. “I’ve never had a need for it.”
“Every girl in residency’s done it at least -” she stopped in mid-phrase and her body stiffened. He heard a muffled buzz. She squeezed his thigh with her left hand and started to pant. Her mouth was locked wide open and her eyes were squinted shut. She put her right hand on top of his and guided him deeper. “Push. Keep pushing. Harder.” He draped his left arm over her waist and slid her up so they were at eye level. He buried his face in her curly hair and kissed the back of her head. She dug her fingers into his thigh and gyrated her hips into the pressure of the pager. Her breathing got faster, throatier, and deeper. He laughed.
“What?” she scowled.
“You’re Kussmaul breathing. Like someone in DKA.”
“Nerd.” Her body shivered. She grabbed inside his boxers and rubbed her wet inner thigh on him, giving him an instant erection. He thrust his hips into her. They both heard a crash coming from outside the door. They gasped in unison. “Shit.” They paused. There was only the continued vibration of the pager. They waited another ten seconds. She broke the silence. “Okay, go.”
He pushed harder into her and she arched her back impossibly. The back of her head smacked the bridge of his nose and he let out a harsh grunt. She reached her left arm back and caressed his face blindly. She ran her fingers through his hair and narrowly escaped poking him in the eye. He stroked her bicep with his thumb and kissed her arm down from the shoulder to the elbow. He felt her shudder against his chest again. She twisted her neck around to look at him. Her cheeks were flushed. Strands of brown curly hair obscured her face.
“Do you have another condom?” she asked, licking his earlobe.
“Why would I carry two condoms with me in an on-call backpack?”
“You’re not making this easy. Don’t you want to get me off?”
“What about the pager?”
“I’m offering your penis the most intense orgasm I’ve ever had and you’re outsourcing it?”
“We don’t need to use protection.”
“Bull-shit we don’t. Now come on, let’s try something different.” She turned around so they were face to face. She pressed her breasts against his chest and smiled. She gave him a hard kiss on the lips and licked his tongue. He smacked his lips and licked the corner of her mouth. “What is that? Bailey’s?”
“Coffee creamer. I’ve had six cups tonight. You?”
“Pussy.” She giggled and kissed him on the lips again, then on the edge of his jaw, then his neck. She wrapped her lips around his tensed sternocleidomastoid muscle. “I’m giving you a hickey, I don’t care.”
“I won’t lie, I kinda want one.”
“When’s the last ime you had one?”
“Middle school, maybe.” She sucked on his neck and breathed out hard through her nose. He rubbed the vibrating pager against her in a small clockwise circle.
“Keep doing that,” she whispered through her lips, still tensed on his neck, “and I’ll cover a PICU shift for you.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
“You don’t know how good this feels.” Her breathing suddenly became a series of staccato gasps. Even in the darkness of the room, he could see her pupils dilated to the edges of her hazel irises. He felt her thighs squeeze and spasm around his hand. She reached for his hair and clutched a handful of it. She tugged hard. Before he could whisper another ouch, she let out a soft moan, went limp, and fell onto his chest. Her fingertips glided up his shoulders and felt the contours of his neck and his jaw. He kissed the palms of her hands as she brought them up to his face. She pecked at his chest and collarbone, then sighed and lay her head down. He wrapped his arms around her upper back and ran a finger down her spine. He reached down lower and lower until he felt a groove in her lumbar curve. He dug a fingertip into the indentation. She looked up with an incredulous scowl.
“Don’t even tell me.”
“I’d stick the needle right there.”
“Of all the times to think about doing lumbar punctures.”
“You have beautiful intervertebral spaces.”
“I need a shower.” She rolled off of him with a grunt and hopped to her feet. She put on her underwear and her bra and searched around the room for her scrubs. She held up a light blue shirt. “Mine or yours?”
“Toss it here.” He tried to fit his head through the hole. “Yours,” he replied, and tossed it back. She slipped on the shirt and the matching pants, pulling the drawstring tight around her waist. She found his scrubs laying in the corner of the call room. She helped him get dressed. She slipped on his socks and his loafers as he sat on the bed. She rubbed her nose on the side of his neck and inhaled. He hugged her and she tousled his hair with both hands.
“Now what?” he asked.
“The other interns are probably wondering where I am.”
“Tell them your pager wouldn’t stop going off.” She laughed.
“Are you dressed? I’m opening the door.”
“I’m decent.” Fluorescent light from the hallway illuminated the call room. She put her hand over her mouth. “I got you good.” She bit her lip.
“Take a look.” She held his hand and walked him to the bathroom next door. He looked in the mirror. On the side of his neck was a bruise, fresh and raised and purple, the size of a quarter.
“It looks like someone stuck a prune on the side of my neck.”
“I’m kinda proud of it.”
“It’s pretty hot.” He wrapped an arm around her waist and slid his fingers under her scrub top. She put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m gonna shower.”
“Want a partner?”
“Get some sleep. I have to check on the asthmatic in 510 and the kid in renal failure in 202. I’ll call you if there are any problems, OK?”
He nudged her cheek with his nose. “Alright. I’ll let you know if there’s any business in the ER.” She stroked his cheek and kissed him gently. She turned away from him and walked into the shower stall, closing the curtain behind her. “Get out of here, you’ll get in trouble.” He closed the door behind him and slumped back to the call room and lay on the creaky twin bed. He shut his eyes and dreamed of her.